


Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

by appleturnoversandstrudel



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Magic Mirrors, Magic-Users, Mirror of Erised, Mirrors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 16:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9770441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/appleturnoversandstrudel/pseuds/appleturnoversandstrudel
Summary: Regina always had a troubled history with mirrors. They helped her as well as hurt her. One day she finds a very special mirror that can show her what she wants. Over the years, she visits it, and sees her changing wishes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in fall 2012, so it only goes up to season 2A. It's the first story I ever wrote. Originally posted on FFN, now posting on here as well. Flashbacks in italics.

"Henry, I'm going to the council meeting," Regina called out as she finished inspecting herself in the mirror.

"Another one? You just had one two days ago. Besides, are you sure it's a good idea to leave the house so much? Everyone still hates you for what you did to them." Henry was suspicious, and more than a little annoyed at her. His last comment stung her, but she swallowed and continued arranging her short dark hair.

"Yes dear, another one. The only way that this mess can be fixed is if we all work together, and seeing as I am the one who knows most about it, it makes perfect sense that I do my part for this community." Seeing that he still didn't believe her, she smiled warmly and added, "I wasn't lying to you before, dear. I do want to redeem myself, and this is as good a place as any to start". She applied one last coat of her trademark mauve lipstick to her full lips, and then headed out the door, throwing a hateful look at her mirror.

As she walked through town, she thought about her situation. Okay, so she lied to Henry about the council meeting. There was no such meeting planned for today, and even if there were, she would be the last person they would want to invite. Henry was right. Everyone hated her, and with good reason. She had ruined their lives, everybody's lives, including her own. She could hardly stand to look at herself in the mirror. Everywhere she went, her reflection followed her, and she needed to escape. Reflexively, she turned to the one place where she could be free of mirrors, and windows, and glass doors, all throwing her wickedness back in her face: the forest.

Her stilettos sunk into the soft ground, and she twisted them off, relishing the freedom this gave her. They were completely inappropriate for a walk in the woods, but she needed to make her charade convincing to Henry, and if that meant dirtying up her best heels and running up a high dry cleaning bill for her expensive slate-colored suit, so be it. These "council meetings" were getting expensive, Regina thought, as she took inventory of the toll they took on her outfit. Her pantyhose had a run completely up the side, and her pencil skirt was crumpled from the way she collapsed onto the grass. But she wasn't here to think about her appearance. She needed to figure things out, and escaping those cursed mirrors was the first step.

It seemed that mirrors were destined to plague her throughout her life. They were her escape, and her destruction. Nothing she did could lead her away from them. They were everywhere, in her mansion, and the town. She could never get away from who she was, from who they told her she was. It all started back in the other world, after she…disposed of, the king. That blasted genie was so overcome by his stupid emotions that he wished to be with her always, and be able to gaze into her face, turning him into her personal mirror. From that point forward, she was perpetually reminded of her crime. The king didn't deserve to die, really. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Regina did not condone taking innocent lives. Yet. She merely wished to free herself from that captivity, and instead, she trapped herself in the confines of her mind, her endless guilt, bounced back from every mirror in her palace. Everything could be blamed on this mirror…No. There was another mirror, one that came before. That mirror was where it all truly started. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Maybe she could finally figure out the answer to the question that had been plaguing her forever, even more so after she heard it uttered aloud: How in the hell did you get like this?

_…There was a loud shattering as the mirror fractured into a million tiny pieces. Regina couldn't believe what she had done. She stared at her hands, shocked that she could wield such power. She then glanced up at the remains of the mirror to assure herself that it was she who had done it, and not her mother. She was met with her own reflection, same elaborate updo, same white wedding gown, but the look on her face terrified her. It was full of anger, and hate, and a little fear. This was not who she was. This was the realm of her mother…No, she couldn't call her that. Not after what she had done to her. This was the realm of Cora. She caught a glimpse of the strange little man, Rumpelstiltskin, giving her a thumbs up and doing a little jig in the mirror. Ashamed, she turned away, and set her mind to finally accomplish that which Cora had prevented her from doing. She would run._

_She was riding through the woods, pushing her horse as hard as he could go. "Come on, Rocinante", she encouraged, "just a little more and then we'll be free". Cora was wrong, she thought. This is true freedom. But she didn't get to enjoy her blissful reverie long, for there was Rumpelstiltskin in her path._

_"Leaving, are we?" He asked her teasingly._

_"That was always the plan", she replied, handing him the spellbook "Here, I don't want it. Thank you for the help, but I won't need it anymore"._

_"And why is that dearie?" A grin played on his grotesque face. "Didn't you enjoy doing magic?"_

_She stopped cold. Her face twisted into an odd expression and her voice dropped an octave as she almost snarled out, "Because I loved it."_

_"Well if that's your only problem dearie, I can help." Rumpelstiltskin bowed to her with a flourish. "I can teach you everything you need to know about magic." The last three words were staccato and punctuated with a little leap and a squeal of glee._

_"You'll teach me magic? And it won't do to me what it did to my mother? It won't take away my soul?" She asked skeptically. Physical resemblance aside, she wanted nothing else in common with that wretched woman. She had finally freed herself of her reign of terror, and she thought, of magic. But maybe there was a good side to magic. It didn't all have to be bad._

_"That, dearie, is entirely up to you. Let me guide you." Rumpelstiltskin gave her his hand, and she took it, disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke._

 Regina's eyes flew open with a start. She gasped for air as she came back to reality. Funny thing about Rumpelstiltskin, she thought. He was so particular about people keeping their deals with him, but he couldn't even keep his promise that he'd prevent her from turning into her mother. Or did he? He never really promised her that, she just thought he did.

She sighed as she got up. Her suit was now completely wrinkled and the jacket was no longer appropriate to wear in public. Groaning, she rummaged in her enormous handbag for an extra shirt. She always kept one on her, as it seemed more and more she never knew when she would need one. Finally, she made contact with a grey silk blouse and pulled it out. She quickly changed into it, inhaling deeply and feeling quite a bit better about herself until she realized exactly which shirt she was wearing. She owned many silk blouses, but this particular one did not smell of her usual Chanel No. 5, but of a scent that was musky, laced with amber. Emma, she thought, as she kept on breathing it in. The scent calmed her and upset her at the same time. As much as she hated to admit it, she was slightly jealous of the blonde. Regina had spent years carefully cultivating her image, building a reputation of a caring and responsible mayor with her townspeople, and Emma came blowing in like a tornado and ruined it all. Almost overnight, she turned everyone against her, and brought them to her own side instead. It seemed so effortless to her, being liked. Regina always had to work hard at it. It seemed she was never good enough, except for… No. She would not let herself get carried back into those thoughts. The past was over, and there was no way to bring it back, bring him back. She forced herself to think of other things, but her mind always came back to this dilemma. Why did nobody like her? Was it for the same reason she despised herself? Because of the pain and destruction she had caused all of them? She thought back to the spring, when her car broke down and David…no, Charming, had offered to take her home.

_"Thank you for being my knight in shining armor, David." Regina gave him her winning smile, showing off every one of her perfectly white teeth._

_"It was no problem, Madam Mayor. Where should I put down the groceries?" David said as he walked into her mansion._

_"Over there is fine. You're welcome to stay for dinner. I'm making lasagna." Her smile got even brighter, and it seemed that David would be blinded by its intensity._

_"I should get going…" he faltered as he saw her megawatt smile. "But I do love lasagna." He returned her smile and helped her prepare the meal._

_Afterwards, he washed the dishes, and Regina couldn't help admiring him as he worked. Tall, muscular, and handsome, it was easy to see why he had earned his name. Conversation flowed easily between them, and Regina found herself turning on her own charm, laughing melodiously and sending warm glances with her glittering deep brown eyes. It wasn't that she was attracted to him, she just wanted to have someone else under her control, now that Graham was gone. However, his good looks made her task considerably easier. When he brought up his past, and fate, she saw her moment and went in for the kill, moving toward him with eyes closed and lips puckered expectantly. He pulled away quickly, citing his marriage to Kathryn, but she saw that he simply didn't want her._

Later, she ended up in front of her hallway mirror, staring at herself after he stormed out. The woman she saw staring back was completely evil, a person that even she wouldn't want to be around. Frustrated, she threw her wine glass at the mirror, shattering it into tiny pieces. She wasn't upset because he didn't want to kiss her. She wasn't attracted to him, and a kiss would simply have been a means to an end. What perplexed her was his complete refusal to succumb to her charm. It had never failed her before, and combined with her flawless smile (constant dentistry was a perk of magic), it was simply irresistible. He hadn't given her the one thing she wanted most: to be loved, to be wanted, to be desired.

_Desire…_ Yes, that was the answer to her problems. She began walking out of the woods toward town. Mirrors may have been the source of her destruction, but maybe there was still one that she could use to save herself. She intended to keep her promise to Henry, but more importantly, she intended to keep her promise to herself that she made a long time ago, a promise that she would not become Cora. And it was these thoughts that absorbed her as she headed towards Mr. Gold's pawn shop looking for a very special mirror.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina remembers her first magic lesson.

As Regina turned the corner toward Mr. Gold's pawn shop, she picked up her pace. This mirror had helped her in the two most difficult times of her life. Could it do that a third? She thought of her first encounter with this particular mirror…

_"Where are you taking me? Does this have anything to do with what you promised to teach me?" Regina sputtered, confused. She took in the unfamiliar surroundings. It looked like some kind of shop, overflowing with various miscellaneous items, radiating magic so strong that she could feel it pulsing on her skin._

_"Very good dearie. I knew you were a smart one" Rumpelstiltskin gave her a wink and turned toward the back of the shop. "We'll start you off easy. The mirror seemed to work well for you. Let's see what else is hiding back here." He disappeared through a door hidden behind books that had strange runes on the covers. More spell books, Regina thought, like Cora's._

_"You mean there are other mirrors?" she asked in disbelief. Was there anything they couldn't do?_

_"Of course there are dearie. You didn't think I'd waste my only one on you? Hee!" he squealed with glee as he saw her downcast look. "Now, now, don't be getting offended. Magic is not for the faint of heart. I asked you if you could handle it and you said you could. Backing out, are we?" His smile challenged her._

_"Never", she spat out, glaring at him. "Are you going to show me these mirrors or was this merely a ruse to waste my time?"_

_Rumpelstiltskin bowed, recognizing defeat. "Right this way, Your Majesty."_

_He led her into a room that was entirely lined by mirrors of every size imaginable. There were small, large, plain, ornate, and every other type of mirror that could be crafted. She couldn't help the gasp that left her mouth. "They're beautiful."_

_Rumpelstiltskin grinned, clearly in his element. "And that's not all they do dearie. Here, let me show you." He stepped in front of a tall mirror with a thick black frame. "Give me an apple," he demanded, and a crisp red apple flew out of the mirror and into his outstretched hand. He handed it to Regina, smiling._

_Regina was wary as she took it, sniffing it before finding it satisfactory and taking a big bite. "Delicious," she pronounced. "Will this mirror only transport apples or can it provide anything the user wishes?"_

_"Give it a try dearie." And Regina did, wishing for her currycomb, and smiling as the small brown object zoomed into her hand._

_"Not very glamorous but it'll do for now," Rumpelstiltskin sighed, as he dragged her to another mirror, small and lined in a frame red as blood. "This one will show you who your enemies are," he said with bated breath, and handed it to her, waiting for her to look._

_Regina took it cautiously, but she knew there was no use. She knew full well whose faces would look up to greet her. One dark, a smile like poisoned honey and brown eyes, like her own, but lacking all of their warmth. The smile would twist into a sneer, as she would look at Regina, the disappointment evident in her cold eyes, and say "I'm only doing what's best for you dear." The other fair, dark curls framing creamy skin, would gaze at her with emerald eyes and an adoring smile. "I just didn't want you to lose your mother, like I lost mine". Her words, spoken with such frantic urgency echoed in Regina's head. She shook her head and handed the mirror back to Rumpelstiltskin. "I know who my enemies are. I don't need some silly mirror to show me."_

_"Ohh, very good dear. Defiance is an important part of magic. After all, magic itself is a defiance of nature." He looked pleased at her response, and skipped off down the room in search for another mirror._

_"Here's one that you might find interesting, dearie," he said as he handed her one with an ornate white frame. "It tells you who is the fairest of them all."_

_Regina scrunched up her face in obvious displeasure. "Are all of your mirrors so frivolous, Rumpelstiltskin? I was brought here under the impression that I would learn something." Undeterred, Rumpelstiltskin skulked off toward yet another mirror._

_"Aha!" He exclaimed as he approached one framed in pure silver. "This mirror will show you who you really are. Care to try it, dearie?" A mischievous glint played in Rumpelstiltskin's amber eyes._

_Regina shot him a glare of pure ice. "I know who I am," she replied frostily, making her way toward the biggest mirror of them all. "What does this one do?"_

_As Rumpelstiltskin saw the mirror she pointing out, a smile grew slowly on his face. "Ah yes. Good choice, Your Majesty. That is the most powerful mirror of them all."_

_Mesmerized by this statement, the young queen made her way toward the mirror. It truly was majestic. Tall, stately and rimmed in deep, burnished gold, this mirror pulled Regina with a force that she could not resist. She could make out narrow words woven across the top of the mirror: "Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi," she read. "What?" she asked in confusion._

_"You're a smart woman , Your Majesty. Figure it out." Rumpelstiltskin gave her another grin, clearly enjoying her inability to understand what he did. Regina cast around the room, trying to think. A glint off of a mirror opposite the gold one caught her eye, and as she faced it directly, she could see clearly: "I show not your face, but your heart's desire" Regina read, feeling triumphant. "So this mirror shows you what you want? Doesn't seem very powerful to me."_

_"Oh, but it is dearie. This is the Mirror of Erised, and its ability is the most powerful, yet the most dangerous. It shows nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of your heart." Rumpelstiltskin walked toward her. "Give it a try."_

_She turned to face the Mirror of Erised once more, but something stopped her. "What do you see?" she asked suddenly, turning toward Rumplestiltskin ._

_"I beg your pardon, dearie?" Rumpelstiltskin was clearly not expecting this._

_"When you look in the mirror. What do you see?" She wasn't backing down._

_"Me? I see all the hay in the world, just waiting for me to spin it into gold, and then being both eternally powerful and rich! Hee hee!" he exclaimed, but there was something fake about his laugh. She looked in his eyes and saw a flash of something, one familiar from her own reflection every day. Pain. He gave her another grin, which she returned with a gracious smile, not wanting to reveal her realization to him just yet._

_She faced the mirror, and the reflection would have been exactly what she expected had she time to think about it. She saw herself in her riding outfit- powder blue jacket and brown pants tucked into leather boots. Her long chestnut hair was done in a French braid, her favorite hairstyle, and her face was clear of the horrible makeup Cora always forced on her. She was outside in the green and lush pasture, the blue sky perfectly clear and sunny. Her horse was grazing a little bit away from her, and she dared to look a little further-oh, Daniel! Daniel, her Daniel, was running towards her, scooping her up in his arms! His warm smile welcomed her, and as she gazed at him, her eyes sparkled like black opals. He twirled her around once, then set her down, picking up her face. As their eyes met, he gently placed his lips on hers, a kiss so sweet and pure like a stream bubbling through the woods. She sank into the moment, pulling him closer and never wanting it to end. The kiss became frantic as Regina reclaimed what was hers, stroking his hair gently with her hands and kissing him so deeply that she thought they would melt into one. His hands moved over her hair, smoothing the silky braid, and down her back, coming to rest behind her waist and pulling her into him. They kissed in passionate ecstasy for what seemed like an eternity until Daniel broke the kiss, keeping his face an inch from hers._

_"Never let me go," whispered Regina, almost inaudibly._

_"Never, my love," promised Daniel. Overcome by genuine happiness, she buried her face in his shoulder, crying. When she looked up, her eyes were like molten chocolate, and she smiled a small smile, yet one more real than those she would give later on. They sat down on the soft grass, Daniel leaning back, and Regina snuggling into his chest. His arm wrapped around her waist with a practiced ease, and he held her. Sighing contentedly, she closed her eyes and nuzzled his chest. She could live that moment forever, just being with him, and not worrying about anyone standing in their way. She was his, and he was hers, and that meant everything._

_As she watched, her eyes brimmed with tears, turning them black and glossy. A small smile tugged at her lips as one solitary tear rolled down her right cheek. She always knew that she had loved Daniel, but what she saw in the mirror blew everything away. What she wouldn't give for just one more afternoon with Daniel, outside, just being together! She would give anything..._

_She gasped, realizing that she had said this last thought aloud. "Like what you see dearie?" A smirk played on Rumplestiltskin's face as he watched her bittersweet display. "Yes, this mirror shows exactly what it is that your heart is yearning for. It is entrancing, but an illusion." Regina gaped at his bluntness. "Sorry dearie, but it doesn't do to dwell on fantasies. This mirror's power is also its danger. Far too many people have wasted away in front of it, pining for what they can never have. It is better to look and see, then stepping away in order to find this desire, if it can be found. If it cannot, then that is that. Either way, this mirror is a waste of time. Come on." He tugged on her arm, but she resisted._

_"How can you do this?" She cried out through her sobs. "How can you just show me this and then ask me to forget? To throw it away? I can never forget what I saw. Leave me be. I want no more of your magic. All the magic I need is in this mirror." She lashed out at him, bitterness laced throughout her words. He kept tugging at her sleeve, and finally, she looked at him, pure rage contorting her features and she screamed "Augh!" as she let out a purple fireball. Rumpelstiltskin had the foresight to duck, but the mirror behind him was not so lucky, as it shattered into pieces._

_"Whoops! That's seven years of bad luck, Your Majesty!" Rumpelstiltskin cackled as she was surrounded by a purple whirlwind and he disappeared._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina remembers another encounter with the mirror.

Regina opened the door to Mr. Gold's pawnshop carefully, checking to see that the store's owner wasn't inside. Her reminisces had carried her all the way down the street. She couldn't even remember reaching the shop. As she peered inside, she sighed with relief. He wasn't there. Finally, a stroke of good luck. She smirked as she thought about his parting comment to her after that incident. Seven years of bad luck, indeed! If that was her only problem, she would count herself lucky. No, she had suffered far more than seven years of bad luck, and she hadn't even broken enough mirrors to warrant it. Her luck had ended when Cora crushed Daniel's heart in the stable that fateful night, and she was foolish if she thought that simply learning magic would be enough to revive it.

Was it her fate to suffer? Was there no more happiness for her left in this life? It seemed that whatever she did only dug her deeper into her misery. It was never her intention to hurt so many people. All she wanted was to be happy for once. She had been denied happiness her entire life, first by Cora, then by Leopold, and finally by her own hand. Everything she did to try and have some happiness was always subverted. Running away with Daniel was ruined by Snow. Trying to learn magic to bring back her happiness, ruined by her own greed for power. Power brings happiness, Cora had told her, and Regina was willing to believe just this once if it would really come true. Of course, this turned out like the rest of her promises to Regina, a lie. Everything was lies with Cora, and then with Rumpelstiltskin.

She sighed with frustration as she entered the shop. Darkness enveloped the interior, making it impossible for Regina to be spotted, a thought that brought her great relief. The last thing she needed was to get caught. It was eerily quiet and still in the shop, so vastly different from its usual hustle and bustle during the daytime. Her journey of self-discovery in the forest had taken so long that sunset had passed and darkness was quickly falling outside. It would most likely be pitch black when she left. All the better, she thought, everyone will be home or at Granny's and I'll be able to make my escape smoothly. The circumstances were uncannily similar to the last time she visited the mirror. It was her second, desperate attempt at regaining happiness…

_Twelve years had passed since Rumpelstiltskin took on Regina as his apprentice. Over those twelve years, she had learned much, almost surpassing him in ability. Almost, but not quite. Her magical powers were great, to be sure, but she had always lacked in the wisdom that made Rumpelstiltskin himself such a master negotiator. This lack in discretion had led her to make increasingly self-destructive decisions. Oh, that isn't the reason she made them, of course. She truly thought they would make her happy, but somehow, they never did. Killing the king, well, that was a bust. She got rid of him, but not of the guilt that plagued her afterward. She would deny it to her grave, but she would sometimes awaken to cold sweats, gasping for air, after reliving the murder in her head. Her power and ruthlessness, as much as she wished them to be genuine, were a smoke screen, an act, to hide the scared little girl inside. But they were convincing, for Regina Mills was nothing if not a consummate actress, having learned the art of deception at Cora's feet. She fooled her silly guards well enough into cowing at her presence, and was thus able to attain a fragile stability in her life. However, she reached a point where this wasn't enough. She needed complete revenge, to give Snow her retribution for taking away her only chance at happiness. A little voice in the back of her head reminded her who Daniel's killer really was, but she brushed it aside. There was no way she could exact revenge on Cora. She was too far away, and even more powerful than Regina. Snow, on the other hand, lived in the same castle and was completely at her mercy._

_It was at this moment that Regina began plotting her curse. A sleeping curse should have been enough, she thought, but that gallant idiot ruined everything by saving her with true love's kiss. She had completely forgotten about this phenomenon, a costly oversight no doubt caused by the cruel parting from her own true love. She would have to try harder. It would no longer be enough to just punish Snow. They all needed to pay. Everything was a reminder of how they would all get their happy endings with their true love, and she would be denied hers. She had reached her breaking point. She would do what she promised herself she would never do. She would cast the dark curse. They would all pay and suffer as she did, because not having someone; well that's the worst curse imaginable._

* * *

_Eighteen years had passed since she had cast the dark curse. Everything had changed for her. There was no magic in the new world, a fact she knew full well while casting the curse, but whose implications she did not come to appreciate until after, when she had to do everything by hand. No longer could she bully her subjects through magical displays of power. She had to be more cunning, using verbal intimidation and power plays instead. She had a mansion instead of a castle, a fact to which she was indifferent. Her dwelling meant nothing to her. She was not like Cora, who liked the lavish displays of wealth, and would have been happy with a cottage, if only with her Daniel. But, a ruler is as a ruler does, and so she gave herself a home worthy of her position. Even her appearance was different. She remembered the first time she reached for her hair behind her back and came up with only air. It was only at her ears that she managed to grasp her once long and luscious strands, now cut short and layered into a professional looking haircut. A tear rolled down her face, for her hair was her pride and joy, flowing free behind her as she rode. It was the only part of her that was truly free, and now even it had been captured._

_Looking back after eighteen years, Regina couldn't help but admit that she felt miserable. She had lost everything by casting the curse, killing the one person she still truly loved to do so. She was nothing, with nobody left to care about her. There was no happiness for her in this life either. Sure, she had her liaisons with Graham, but they were a way to empty herself of her frustrations, turning all her feelings into physical manifestations. Love was never part of the equation, and she desperately needed love. Maleficent's words echoed in her head:_ _"Enacting this curse will take a terrible toll. It will leave an emptiness inside you. A void you will never be able to fill."_

_Regina didn't want to believe her. Oh, how she had desperately tried to fill it, first by lavishing all her attention on her prized apple tree, and later by having an affair with Graham. But neither was enough. Maybe she needed a pet, something she could keep around to love her forever. Somehow, though, that didn't seem like enough. All of the dogs, cats, and other various pets of this world would never satisfy her longing. She needed to find out what it was that could make her happy, and she knew exactly where to turn. It had been thirty years, but the memory of that mirror shone in her mind as if it had happened yesterday._

_The day dragged on, as Regina waited for nightfall. She did not want to be seen by anybody. It was embarrassing enough to be taking this risk; getting caught would be mortifying. Finally, as the sun set, she set out on foot. Her Mercedes was easily distinguished, and she could use the walk to clear her head and think._

_She finally reached the door to Mr. Gold's pawnshop. If it was brought to this world, it would be here. The shop was where all the magical items from the other world ended up. Regina wasn't sure if Mr. Gold, formerly Rumpelstiltskin, knew of their true abilities, but she did not take long to ponder the matter. The door opened easily, and Regina snuck in quietly, careful not to disturb anything._

_The pawn shop was overflowing with items, much like Rumpelstiltskin's shop had those thirty years ago. Regina smiled at the memory. If what the mirror showed her now brought her the happiness it brought her then, this entire endeavor would be worth it. She walked across the shop until she reached a partially obscured door to the left of the counter. This must be where it's hidden, she thought. The more valuable an object, the harder it will be to get to, and this mirror was certainly valuable._

_Squeezing through the tiny door was a tighter fit than she thought, but as she made it through, she exhaled and looked around. An assortment of objects met her gaze as she scanned around the room looking, and yes! There it was, gleaming as brightly as it was the first time she had encountered it. Regina took a deep breath, and quickly crossed the expanse of the room to plant herself before it._

_As she turned toward the mirror, she shut her eyes. Was she ready for what she would see? Was seeing her most desperate desire what she really wanted? Yes, yes it was, she thought, exhaling and opening her eyes._

_She was in her mayoral mansion, sitting on the couch in her living room. Everything looked the same as it was now, except that she was not alone. Regina let out an involuntary gasp as she realized that she was holding a baby, wrapped in a soft white blanket, in her arms. A shock of dark hair peered at her from beneath the blanket, and she smiled, taking in the scene. The baby seemed so comfortable with her, so ready to be held in her arms. Looking more closely, she saw that it was a baby boy, and that he had beautiful green eyes, dark as the forest. He smiled up at her, love and adoration written all over his little face. Her reflection smiled back at him, pulling him in closer. The love and affection exchanged between the two of them radiated through the room, permeating Regina's defenses as she finally broke down and cried. This was what she needed. Someone to love her unconditionally, asking for no explanations, only trusting her to do her best to love back. She had entertained fantasies of having a family with Daniel back in the day, but she never knew how much she wanted this. The time had come for a chat with Mr. Gold._

* * *

_Three months later, Mr. Gold made due on his promise. He was suspicious at first, but accepted her explanation that she thought it was time to start a family without further question. As he handed over the baby, bundled up in blankets, Mr. Gold wished her luck, then turned and left. Regina walked into her house, then unwrapped the blankets quickly, as if she were a child unwrapping a present on her birthday, and saw the baby she was to call her own. A loud gasp tore from her mouth as she realized it was the very same baby she had seen in the mirror. It had to be a sign. She was finally going to get her happy ending. Eyes shining with tears, she smiled at him, as she decided what name she was to give him._

_"Hello, my precious baby boy," she crooned to him, tickling his belly, pleased at the resulting giggle. "I'm going to be your new mommy, isn't that great? I'm going to love you, and take care of you, and we're going to be so happy together," she promised, tears rolling down her face, "my wonderful Henry Daniel."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina looks in the mirror one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Hope you all enjoyed reading!

Regina traced that now familiar path once again through the shop, pausing once more at the door behind the counter to check for Mr. Gold. When her search came up empty, she sighed in relief, and wriggled through the door. It was easier this time, as she had learned how to maneuver her body through it. Once she was in the room, she stopped. Was she ready to go through with this? Would she be able to accept the implications of whatever she saw, take the good with the bad? She grimaced, remembering what going after her last wish had gotten her.

_Having Mr. Gold procure Henry for her had been the best decision of her life. This is how she felt when she reflected on it five years later. Her lovely baby boy had grown up to be a laughing, joyful child. He was never as boisterous as the other boys, preferring to sit quietly in the park and observe the butterflies and the trees surrounding him rather than run around playing cops and robbers with the rest of them, but Regina was okay with this fact. Honestly, Regina preferred Henry like this, contemplative instead of rambunctious. She could keep him close to her, and she would never have to worry about him getting hurt like all the other children were, scraping their knees and skinning their elbows. She would always sit contentedly in the park, watching her little boy play quietly on the grass, a smile beaming with love gracing her features. He was absolutely perfect, everything she had ever wanted. Everything had been in place until the day she finally had to let him go and send him to school. Then_ she _had ruined everything, just as she always did. Mary Margaret Blanchard. Everyone thought she was so sweet, so kind, but Regina saw her for what she really was. A life ruiner. Since day one, it seemed the woman had made it her mission to personally destroy everything Regina loved. It had happened before, and now it was happening again. Regina could only watch helpless as that wretched woman took Henry under her wing and gave him that awful book, turning him against his mother. After that day, there was nothing Regina could do to regain his love. He was convinced that she was the Evil Queen, not without reason, she thought, and he had rejected her completely. It broke Regina's heart, what was left of it, to see him like this, her precious son that she had poured all her love and affection into. But the fact stood that he wasn't hers anymore, not the way he was before. He had betrayed her, just like everyone else did. Sometimes, she would pull out her old photo albums from when Henry was small and leaf through them, one solitary tear trailing slowly down her face as she smiled softly, reminiscing about the good old days when Henry would let her take care of him. The times they had been to the park together, the times she had nursed him back to health from sickness. It was all there, the good and the bad, like a photographic journey through their lives. All of their memories had been perfectly preserved, inviting Regina to revisit them at her leisure, and she did, the times growing more frequent with the years as she watched him slip further and further away. The pages had grown dog-eared as she marked her favorites, carefully creasing down the corners for future reference. The pictures were no longer pristine, but yellowed with age, a testament to the length of time she had spent without his love._

_Finally, after years of this, Regina had learned to accept it. She would give him her love, desperately hoping for reciprocation, and instead meet a black hole, a void sucking all of her happiness into it, never to be seen again. Her acquiescence had been slow, a gradual sort of giving up. In the end, she had almost stopped trying. She would give him her bare minimum, the pain of rejection too acutely strong to bear, and it was this that had truly pushed him over the edge. There was nothing more she could do. The bond had been broken, and could never be returned._

_Even this, she had been able to accept. She had forced herself to numb her heart to the pain and keep on loving him anyways, to prove to herself that she could. But then that…she wasn't sure if woman was the right word, came storming into her town. Emma Swan. The very name left a bad taste in her mouth. She just burst in, uninvited, to try and physically take away her son from her. The audacity! Who did she think she was, waltzing in after ten years of neglect? She wasn't Henry's real mother, DNA evidence aside. Regina was. Regina had been the one to take care of him. She had changed all his diapers, soothed all his fevers, weathered every tantrum. She had also held him as he learned how to walk, received every flower he presented to her with a smile, and lovingly read him his favorite bedtime stories for the millionth time. That was what being a mother was about. Being there, for her son. It wasn't merely the act of carrying him for nine months and then giving birth to him, although Regina ached with the fact that this experience had been stolen from her. She had been there for Henry, for the good, and the bad, and Emma simply hadn't, so she had absolutely no right to try and impose herself on their lives!_

Regina exhaled as she came back from this latest flashback. The emotional intensity of it had been almost unbearable. Losing Henry…that had been the most terrible experience she had in a long time. _I do love you_ , she had told him through her tearstained face, her eyes begging him to believe her, but he had just turned away from her…toward Emma Swan. Did she really want to go through with this again? Would she be able to handle whatever it was the mirror had showed her? Yes, yes she would. She steeled herself and walked forward. She could do it…one last time.

Her steps were small, cautious, as she neared the mirror. She wanted to, needed to, see what it held for her, but at the same time, she wasn't quite ready yet. She sat down on the floor in front of it, crossing her legs in a very unladylike manner, and bowed her head in her hands, eyes closed, to compose herself. After some time, she finally felt that she could look up, and cautiously raised her head, facing it. The sight took her breath away.

She saw herself, yet slightly different. Her dark hair had grown out, now curling around her shoulders and framing her face nicely. The suits she had worn as mayor were nowhere to be seen, replaced by a simple sky blue sundress that hung on her body, elegantly hugging her curves yet not uncomfortably tight, ending right above her knees. Her usual stilettos were gone, brown strappy sandals covering her feet instead. Judging by her surroundings, it was summer, and she was in the park, standing in the grass and enjoying the sunshine. She had never seen herself looking so happy, so free.

She smiled warmly, happy to see herself in such a state, but was not content. There had to be something more to this vision. It could not simply be that a few cosmetic and sartorial changes and some warmer weather were the key to her happiness. If this was so, she would have found this happiness a long time ago. She kept on looking, and gasped audibly at what she saw next.

Emma Swan was walking toward her, crossing the park with an enormous smile on her face. She was wearing her signature cherry red jacket, a fact that caused both Reginas to roll their eyes, a white tank top, and dark wash skinny jeans. In other words, her usual, distasteful outfit. Regina's lip curled up in disgust as she watched. What was she doing in her fantasy? This was supposed to be Regina's happy ending. Why was Emma Swan there?

Emma had finally reached Regina and hugged her around the waist.

"Hey, you," she said playfully. "You ready for our picnic?" She was having a picnic with Emma Swan?! Did she bump her head and get amnesia, or was this simply a compromise to please Henry? As the question rushed through her mind, she heard her reflection ask it aloud.

"Where's Henry?" she asked, laughing.

"He's with Ruby. This afternoon is just for us." Well, that made no sense at all. Why would she willingly spend time with that horrible woman? The scene unfolded before her eyes as she kept on watching. Emma took out a woven picnic basket, and from the basket she pulled out a red and white checkered tablecloth with a flourish, waving it around like a victory flag. She spread it on the grass and began taking out various foods: cheese, grapes, sandwiches, and, Regina raised an eyebrow at this, a bottle of what looked like very fine red wine, complete with two wineglasses.

"I must say, I am impressed at your preparations. How did you manage?" Regina asked, genuinely impressed.

"Oh, I have my methods." Emma smiled warmly, and gazed at her with what could only be described as love. Wait, what?! Love? That was impossible. Emma didn't love Regina, and Regina sure as hell didn't love her back.

"And yet, you couldn't wear a more tasteful outfit?" Regina questioned. Finally. That sounded more like her old self. She sighed out in relief.

"Please, you know you love it." Emma winked and uncorked the wine bottle. "Now sit back and relax," she said as she poured out a measure of the scarlet aromatic liquid into each glass.

"Wait," Regina said, stopping Emma before she could do anything else. "I want to say something." Now normally, Emma would have teased that she could, since she usually went ahead and did it anyway, but this time she stayed silent, sensing it was important.

"I want to thank you. Ever since you came to this town, I couldn't get you out of my head. At first I thought I hated you. You were infuriating, with that stupid jacket, and the trying to take my son from me, and I was angry at you," Regina began.

"You sure know how to get on a girl's good side," Emma joked, which earned her a smack from Regina.

"Maybe if you let me finish, you'll see why I'm saying this." Regina stated pointedly, looking at Emma with challenge in her eyes, but not in the way it had presented itself previously.

"But, when Henry…" Her voice broke off here as she choked up with emotion. She swallowed hard and continued. "Well, you know. And then you saved him. I realized that you did care about him, and you weren't just trying to take him away from me to hurt me." She paused at this point, looking up at Emma to ensure that the other woman was still listening. "And then you saved me. You showed me who I really am, and that I do have a choice. I can stop hurting people, and love them instead. You were always meant to be the savior, Emma, a fact that terrified me because I thought it signified my destruction. But it didn't, because in the end, you were my savior. Thank you, Emma." Tears flowed silently down her face as she beamed at Emma, transmitting pure love through her reverent gaze.

"Oh, honey." Emma wrapped her arms around Regina and held her gently. "You know that you can always count on me. I love you, baby." She picked up her wineglass and raised it in the air. "To our anniversary!" Regina laughed, a melodious tinkle cascading through the air, and met Emma's glass with her own. "May it be the first of many." Their glasses clinked and they took a sip, smiling at each other all the while before starting in on the bounty Emma had brought.

The image dissolved before Regina, becoming wavy like a bad transmission and then fading away into glass. She stared, stunned. Her mind was reeling. It was a good thing she had chosen to sit, or she would have passed out from the shock. How was this possible? She didn't love Emma. She hated her. And Emma would have been her destruction if she had not fallen into that hat, although Regina remembered with a pang of guilt, that it had been to save her from the wraith. She couldn't believe this. Was the mirror playing some kind of cruel trick on her? Yes, that could be an explanation. Although, it had never lied to her before…

She thought back to the other two times she had visited the mirror, when she had seen Daniel and Henry. The connecting factor between them had been love. Regina longed desperately to love and be loved. She knew this now, and accepted it. But this love, it couldn't come from Emma. It just couldn't.

Why not though? She thought back meticulously, remembering every interaction she had with her. Emma had attacked her, sure, but only when she felt threatened. And then she had saved Regina's life, twice, and had promised to keep on doing it, because that is what good people do. That certainly fit the definition of a savior. Maybe Emma really was meant to be Regina's savior…maybe she was the answer.

At this, Regina sank even lower into the ground and began to sob. As much as she wanted to accept this, she just couldn't. It was too much to reconcile with everything she had experienced. This mirror was telling her that Emma was her true love. Reality told her that she abhorred the woman, and her stupid jacket at that. But what if she had been wrong? The emotional intensity was there for sure; what if she had merely misjudged the direction? Mistaking love for hate? It was a fine line, as they say. And the jacket…as silly as it looked, it was somehow reassuring, like a security blanket, to know that she will always see it. It gave her a level of stability she hadn't experienced since Daniel…Daniel! No! What was she even thinking? _He_ was her true love, not Emma Swan! She felt guilty at even considering the matter and thought back to her last encounter with him. Seeing him after all these years, it brought back a torrential flood of emotions she hadn't been prepared to deal with. She still loved him, with all of her heart. Yet, like everything else in her life she held dear, he was gone. His parting words to her echoed in her mind, repeating over and over again like a mantra: _Then love again_. Daniel wanted her to move on. He would be okay with her being with someone else. It wouldn't be a betrayal to his memory.

Her heart was breaking into a million pieces, and she wept. How could it be true? Her and Emma… Her thoughts swam around her head incoherently as she tried to make sense of everything. One thing she knew for sure. She couldn't keep going like this. She needed love. She needed redemption. And even if it came from Emma Swan…

A small part of her was relieved. It was as if her entire life was a suspension that had finally been resolved, the dissonance giving way to harmony. The more she thought about it, the bigger that part of her grew, and the more logical it became. She wept bitterly at her resignation to this fact, and at the knowledge that her potential true love was trapped in another world when a soft click came from the back of the room.

Regina was too absorbed in her internal conflict to notice that Mr. Gold had entered the room. He made his way quietly across the room and stopped, after seeing the state she was in. He observed her in silence until she finally looked up from her hands and turned around. Her eyes grew wide in fear, then narrowed defensively.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She asked, hostility dripping from every word.

"Funny, I feel that I should ask you the same question," he said calmly, yet his eyebrows rose in challenge. "Seeing as it is my shop you are trespassing in."

She glared at him. Her eyes were pitch black with anger, yet the tears that had glistened there only moments before softened the effect, leaving them as smoldering coals. "I needed to find out some information. Your shop was the only place I could do that." Her defenses, lowered fully by the vision she had seen, were now back up with a vengeance.

"I'm not a fool, Your Majesty. I know what the mirror that you're standing in front of shows. So tell me, Regina. What is it that you want?"

Those last six words broke her completely. She began sobbing again, her defenses shattered as if made of glass. Did he know what he was asking of her? The enormity of its implications? Of course he did. He was Rumpelstiltskin. She threw her face into her hands, letting the tears consume her until every ounce of emotion had been exhausted from her body. It was some time before she looked up.

When she finally gave her answer, because, oh, she would not give him the satisfaction of besting her yet again, her voice was soft, ravaged by the tears. She looked at him squarely, and whispered so quietly he would have to strain to hear her.

"I want Emma."


End file.
